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As I make clear in my book, Silent Sorority: A (Barren) Woman Gets Busy, Angry, Lost and Found, love can be strengthened by loss. My story will continue to unfold. For those just undertaking the journey of coming to terms, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself. Feel free to comment here on this blog as many new readers arrive every day and the perspectives from other women who are coming to terms can be remarkably healing. Take it from me, I know.
Now, I'm not sure what's awaiting me in the next chapter of life, but I'm ready to make the leap nonetheless. 
"Spanning two continents and seven decades, Up begins in a 1930s movie theater. A newsreel tells us that famous explorer Charles Muntz (voiced by Christopher Plummer) is just back from South America's remote Paradise Falls with the bones of a prehistoric bird. Denounced as a fraud by archaeologists, Muntz vows to retrieve a member of the species and bring it back alive. In the audience, wearing aviator goggles atop his thick-rimmed specs, is young Carl Fredricksen, who is enthralled by Muntz's motto, 'There's adventure out there!'
"On the way home, Carl finds a kindred spirit: a girl named Ellie, as vivacious as he is stolid, who harbors the same dream of visiting Paradise Falls. It's love at first sight, and in a tender montage, Up shows us their life together: the wedding, the fixing up of their home, the quiet walks, their respective jobs at the local zoo (she tending the animals, he selling balloons), their eager preparations for a child they later learn they can't have, their need to defer the big trip to pay for home improvements, then her slowing pace and death. This series of vignettes is played without dialogue and underscored by Michael Giacchino's wistful waltz. It's the sweetest, saddest 4 1⁄2 minutes you'll ever see on film."Of course, I haven't seen the movie yet as it hasn't opened, but I know the story line well. We infertile couples today live a parallel, updated version not in animated form. We experience love at first sight and fix up our homes, take quiet walks, work at respective jobs, and ... make eager preparations for a child we learn we can't have ...
1) I was pea green with envy yesterday, but not for the usual reason (that's right folks, pregnancy was not involved!) ....I think both episodes show signs of progress, yes? Okay, the details.
2) A new work acquaintance asked me if I had children and my first instinct was not to throw something at him.
Ah well, I'm getting very comfortable being the Rodney Dangerfield of reproductive technology outcomes (and books about them).Thank you!! It is nice to see someone willing to acknowledge that there are woman not called 'mother' out here. Gritting my teeth is exactly the way I get through it. Every commercial for mother's day has me running for the remote control. Any other channel will do. I feel anger at the assumption that all women must be or will become a mother. My mantra becomes soon another 'holiday' will be here and they'll forget all about this mother's day business.But it is all around you. In the magazines, on the TV talk shows, 'news' shows, entertainment; talk about who is pregnant, how awful it would be to not experience the wonderfulness of pregnancy and having children. It seems when the childless woman is mentioned it is as the butt of jokes or with a sad shake of the head, if she gets thought about at all. I wish there was a better way to get through it than Haagen Daas, Hershey's and trying to close it out of your hearing and your mind. --LeeJennifer J: My better half has a similar take. He refers to what we face today as Holiday Inflation. Where once Mother's Day was when we made an extra effort to do something thoughtful for our mothers (e.g. make a card or a phone call or send flowers or a trifle), the day has morphed into a compulsory event with the social angst approaching that of Thanksgiving or Xmas. Hallmark, the media and the marketeers have outdone themselves.
I am a married woman who has chosen not to have children. I become irritable during Mothers Day season. I do agree that women who have children have a lot on their plate. However, women who do not have children are also doing great things. We also balance home and work responsibilities, give back to the community in many ways and like to feel appreciated. Why is it that only mothers get cheered on for what they do? Wouldn't it be nice to have a "Woman's Day" where all women get to be pampered and celebrated for what we contribute to society? By genetics and culture women are programed to be nurturers whether we have children or not. I, for one, want that acknowledged. I volunteer at JA in part to fulfill my need to nurture children. Shouldn't this count? I plan on having my own private celebration this year. -- Jennifer
I am currently a NON-mom. Not by choice. I just grit my teeth and try to focus on my mom and (my mother in law sort of demands attention). It's hard in a way, and I try to do my best to ignore what I can. People don't get it that it can be a hard day for someone who is trying SO hard to have kids. I also cope by figuring that some day, come hell or high water. I, too, will be a mom! -- Jessica
I do not have children (at least none that I know of!), something that was a conscious choice. Also, my father died on Mother's Day. Because of that, the "holiday" is a non-entity in my life and has been since 1963. If I do anything that day, I tend to go into nature with my dog, do some meditation, maybe some writing. It's a time of chosen solitude with the "mother of us all," meaning Mother Earth. -- Libbe
I have had an exciting and successful career as a model and then as an account executive for some of the top fashion designers. I am happily married to artist Pablo Solomon and we live a wonderful life. However, when I was 18, I was one of the first young women to be diagnosed as having cervical cancer due to my mother being given DES. So I had a hysterectomy which saved my life but prevented my having children. Each mother's day is a mixed bag. I am thankful that my life was saved, but sad that I never had children. I have devoted my life to my work, my husband and my animals. In a sense, I consider myself to be the mother to my animals and to their environment. -- Beverly Solomon
I am single, have no children and have never been married. I do date. I work in childcare as a nanny as a second job to my business, and I have encountered (sort of a lot) of disrespect from people due to my non-mom and non-married status.This disrespect hasn't always been outright; some of it was subtle condescension from my former boss when I would bring up the subject of men, (she was married with one child and was also expecting). I have learned to cope with this by surrounding myself with people who respect me. -- Reece
This Non-MOM has two wonderful cousins (more like nephews) and even though I have never gotten an aunt card for mother's day I know those kids love me and they know I love them. In fact, until reading about your story, I have never even thought about myself on mother's day--bought the gift and took my mother out to lunch and that's it...But now that you made me think about it... -- Leslie
I'm a 48 year old, divorcee (do they still say that?!) who's very happy living her life in LA. However, most of my clients have kids and there's advertising in my face EVERYWHERE! What's a childless girl to do? I happen to love kids, so I can grin and bear it, but it does make me feel like there's something not-quite-right about me. Especially when everyone's making plans for Mother's Day. I'll be eating frozen yogurt and taking a walk on the beach, I guess! -- Rona
I am not a mother and Mother's Day has not always been a good day. I do have two goddaughters, yet godmothers still get left out. Quite a few years ago, I started celebrating women's day instead. This year I am volunteering teaching tennis in the p.m. and helping with a breast cancer run in the a.m. I do and support events for all women on this day and call/thank my non-mom friends for their support of me over the years. I know that it is not exactly the same -- as I am constantly reminded by birth moms. The spiritual/communal ways women exert their motherhood is just as important. I can do things to help my community that moms cannot because they are raising their families. It is still rough, but this is my way of turning the day around. -- Elaine
Mother's Day reminds me of a lot of other holidays like Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, XMas, Father's Day; many of which are more a recent invention of marketing hype than any particular cultural or historical significance. Personally, I like to focus on celebrations that revolve around an accomplishment or event, like birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, and things that are not so much dictated to us by society. I find personal celebrations far more memorable and meaningful. -- Jennifer J

- At the best brunch joints in town: "Free brunch for all infertiles, past and present. Because nothing says I love you like all-you-can-eat waffles."(Thanks to all of our participants and congrats, Annacyclopedia! Please email the address where I can send you the More magazine subscription.)
As marketers rev up their Mother's Day campaigns, a contingent of women get the cold shoulder or are made to feel like second class citizens (e.g. women who wanted children but couldn't have them or single women/aunts, etc.). Would like to hear from non-moms. How do you cope/manage through the mom-palooza and mother deification? Do you indulge yourself? Head for hills? Grit your teeth?* * * * * *

I like the way RESOLVE thinks. They see an opportunity and seize it. They get right out ahead of the Hallmarkized juggernaut, a certain "M" day, by highlighting the other side of the coin: National Infertility Awareness Week. That's right, mark your calendars. It starts this weekend, April 25, and runs through May 2. You can take part here in a number of ways.

The casual "now have a happy M day" cheerfully delivered once tore me apart. The "M" didn't stand for Mother. It stood for Mourning. How many tears have I wept on that day? More than enough to fill a Great Lake ... for lost children, lost chances, loss of innocence, loss
of my future as a grandmother (you can't say I don't have range when it comes to mourning). The weeks just before, when the marketing machine was going full tilt, served up torturous, painful reminders that took a few weeks to get over.
I've come a long way since those sad and angry days. This year I am not going to let it get the upper hand or flatten me. I'm not going to hit delete as fast as the "M" subject header shows up in my inbox. It's time to teach "M" Day providers a little lesson. I'm going to forward the ads to the customer service department and ask what sort of specials they offer for infertile women. I can be as cheeky as the people serving up the unwanted emails.
Meanwhile who wants to join me for a little laughter is the best medicine? Tap into your creative side. You know you want to ... and there's a reward. A free one-year subscription to More magazine for the best greeting card verse, ad copy or spoof on M Day marketing. The decision will be made by Mr. PJ and awarded on May 2.
I'll start (but I'm not eligible for the prize)...
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Your Uterus is Whack, But That Hardly Describes You!
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Editor's Note: You can also read my latest Barren Not Beaten column here.