Coming2Terms: Recent Comments

Comment on Yes, Virginia, There Are Lovely "'Fertiles" Out There

2010-03-08T16:04:12Z

That's what you'll find, Poppy, in A Fresh Start, a new blog for women who didn't become mothers...those building new lives after infertility.

Comment on Yes, Virginia, There Are Lovely "'Fertiles" Out There

2010-03-08T00:31:16Z

Yes, but you have moved into the other camp. That is one of the reasons why I hesitated to move into this arena. I am only really interested in sharing with people who are definitely no longer able to have children.

Comment on Bitter Sweet Symphony

2010-02-20T18:03:35Z

Hi Ashley,
So glad you're finding Coming2Terms useful in sorting out a complex experience. I'll be sure to raise a glass to you and my fellow travelers on the next second Sunday in May. Best, Pamela

Comment on Bitter Sweet Symphony

2010-02-20T16:41:52Z

Firstly, I love your blog. It's as if you've read my thoughts at times. If only I'd found it years ago, infertility would have been much less isolating and lonely. Thank you for having the courage to share your most personal thoughts with us strangers! Secondly, this Mother's day post really hits home. I attend church services 3 times a week...except for Mother's Day anymore. With the exception of a step-mother who never had her own children and an unmarried friend, I am the only Sunday-morning-crowd non-mother in the church. Our Mother's Day service very much revolves around everything "mother". The songs are about motherly bonds, testimonies hinge on motherhood. The mothers are called up front to be honored with bouquets for being the youngest, oldest, most children, etc. Speakers talk of the important job of being a mother, and on and on. What I found the hardest is after dismissal, when we all leave. On either side of the doors are two people whose duty it is to hand out flowers to every mother as they leave. The pity as I leave is most unbearable. Sometimes I get a "You'll have one next year", all the while knowing it's all but impossible. Our infertility is halfly due to my PCOS and half due to my hubby's extreme issues resulting from cancer treatment and surgeries, which most parishoners are at least partly aware of. The past couple years, I've found myself avoiding that particular morning service altogether, something I feel rather guilty about since I attend church with my own mother and leave her there on that special day without her only child. After reading your posts on Mother's day and some of the comments, this year I am going to skip the mid-may mother's fest with PURPOSE and hopefully without guilt. My mother is a selfless woman and I know she'll think no less of me for it. Thanks again for your insight.

Comment on And Then I Became A Little Girl Again

2010-02-20T16:04:06Z

If only everyone had the understanding and compassion that your father has. It's people like him that make the un-compassionate people in this world bearable.

Comment on A Fresh Start

2010-02-12T04:49:00Z

I nominated you for a beautiful blogger award. I have enjoyed reading your posts from time to time.

Comment on Promises, Promises

2010-02-11T06:38:08Z

Great Post.....

I found your site on stumbleupon and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

Thanks for sharing....

Comment on Growing Pains

2010-02-06T20:32:43Z

Thank you so much for your response Pamela. I am anxious to read the book. I am going to get it this weekend. Today I did get rid of my monitor and put the stuffed animals in a box. I am ready. Thank you for being a support system for women and men that struggle through this. It is nice to know, I am not crazy and just a bitter women. I don't want to be. Thanks again.

Comment on Growing Pains

2010-02-06T19:12:06Z

Dear Janice,

Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you are on the path to making things right for yourself. The first step for me in righting things was recognizing, owning and working through my emotions. For years I tried to squash similar feelings of jealousy, anger and the like associated with my experience. It only delayed the inevitable. Some things we control, some things we don't but either way our lives unfold and we have to make sense of them.

Wishing you all the very best ... I hope Silent Sorority gives you a chance to see how to work through an experience that fundamentally changed your life. Pamela

Comment on Growing Pains

2010-02-06T15:45:25Z

I came across your site and book that I think I may purchase and read. I am 44 and coming to terms. I was married from 22 to 40 to a person who originally lied to me about wanting kids and then told me if I got pregnant he would want me to abort when I was about 27. Instead of leaving him then, I stayed because I thought I loved him. He was very controlling, financially and mentally. I became resentful and angry, but stayed and worked on my career, going back to school and doing my own thing. I ended up falling in love with someone who had 2 children (now grown). I divorced and we are together. We have been trying to conceive naturally. I don't have the money to go to a fertility doctor or adoption. My BF's 22 year old son is having a baby soon with his girlfriend and I am very happy for him, but I had pangs of jealousy. I want to let go of anger. I know I did this to myself. I had many people around me when I was considering leaving my ex many years ago, tell me I wanted too much, that I should just be happy. They had kids, so they couldn't relate. I helped raise one of my friend's kids as a free babysitter. I am very grateful that I was able to have a bond with a child for a short time but that was also what tipped me off the edge to leave my husband, because I really wanted that little girl to be my own. (Not literally) My friend was totally against me leaving my husband and said, "Well, we can share her" She didn't get it. I used to not regret my life. I now realize getting married to this man was the biggest mistake of my life. We did have some good times, but I put my dreams aside to be his wife. He actually even told me I wouldn't be a very good mom, and I was always so worried about that because I didn't have a very good childhood, that he was right. But I think he just wanted to keep me. Anyway, I know this is different than infertility, but my own choices left me trapped until age left me infertile. I want to be able to let it go, yet I can't seem to throw out my fertility monitor and the stuffed animals I had saved for my "someday baby". Thank you for letting me share. One last thought, I am very grateful that with this new relationship I have 2 grown children that think of me as family as I do with them. I also have 2 kittens which also helps with that maternal instinct.